Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Legitimate Golf Diaries, volume 1

#10 at Dyker Beach, first hole of the day.
It was a muggy 93 degrees today in NYC, and I attempted to play some golf. So this blog's gonna be some kind of a journal for every one of your boring rounds, huh?

I don't know! We'll see. But as I'm working on some cool content for you all, in the meantime this'll just have to do.

Temp-wise 93 wouldn't seem so bad. But the humidity was severe, enough to put us under heat advisory from the Weather Service. I knew that going into it. But here's some indication of the psychological scarring I've built up from playing a lot of golf in the city--extreme weather calls out to me, because it means I just might score a quick round.

It was empty enough alright. That's because it was officially too hot to play. Brutal sun and sticky air that makes it a challenge just to grip the club right. Let's cut to the chase--it was an abortion. I shanked an iron on the second. I had a ball vanish on me on the seventh hole, and didn't finish it. Three holes to go and an unexpected isolated t-storm sent me running back to the clubhouse--from the furthest end of the course.

The storm didn't last long but I was exhausted from all that running, and rather than go back out to the course I jumped on the last bus into Manhattan. I've been questing for a solid 18 hole round since I haven't broken 80 once this year, but it would have to wait, again.

It was a logistical headache, but using ESC I cobbled together a simulated score of 91, for handicap purposes. It definitely occurred to me to pretend like this whole wreck never happened, as far as statkeeping's concerned. But no, that's not how I'm gonna roll.

Yup, just gonna let it all hang out, let my handicap index go wherever it's meant to go. No fudging, no denials, no deciding mid-round that a round is now a "practice round". USGA says thirteen holes is enough to constitute a score for handicap, guess I will have to enter it. Sure I'd rather my handicap not balloon upwards, but hey--what good is a handicap system if it's built on a foundation of lies. To be dishonest with the system would render it all a big elaborate lie. And who needs that.

So yeah after entering this score my handicap goes up nearly a full stroke to (11.6). I played around a seven for most of last year, so this is bumming me out right now believe me. But what can I do; the number reflects the times. My golf consumption is way down this year.

Anyways not much else really to say about the round, cept that I strung together a bunch of GIRs at the end there, so things are looking okay for my quest to score one in the 70s soon. Guess that'll be a theme for the time being I guess.

Thanks for reading.


  1. You're a bastion of moral fortitude, a beacon of principle in a dreary storm of gimmes and mulligans, a shining ethical star in a brass-buckle sea of foot wedges. You gulped your medicine and brayed laughter in the faces of the handicap tribunal. I salute you sir.

    1. I completely agree, I just didn't feel comfortable coming right out and saying it about myself. Thanks Dukes.

  2. Confession time: I am a wuss! I recently played in 88 weather, quite humid, walking on a hilly course. I started normally, missing a few birdie putts and getting my share of bogies. After the back nine and its steep hill, I felt dizzy and my game started to unravel completely. Trying to get some water and sit down a minute... without much of an effect. I played worse and worse, barely dragging my ass around for the next few holes. I headed back to the parking lot after 14th, as it was closest then, called it a day and pretended the round never happened. Gone, deleted. I was still weak the next day...

    So kudos to you for hanging tough and posting your round. Much respect (and admiration).

    1. Thanks for sharing Duffers. I forgive you. It's not a big deal. I don't know if these things really make all that much difference in the grand scheme of life. For me, it's just something to do. Add a little drama and tension into my humdrum golf life maybe. Makes for a slightly better narrative I suppose.


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