2013 Season End Report: Assholes' Last Stand

Well, that looks to be it for 2013 golf. I got in one last hurrah at Dyker Beach, a beleaguered, bitterly cold round in which forces of evil and ignorance repeatedly tried to come at me and derail my fun. A round beset with lunatics, rude foreigners and slow players.

2013 Season End Watch part IV: counting down the seconds

I managed to get in another 18 this weekend, this time at Dyker Beach. The weather was borderline nice, which made me waffle over the matter about a hundred times before finally giving in.

Since there was (naturally) a lot of people at the course,  I was placed in a foursome which was a little weird for me. Because I'd played most of my golf alone for the last couple of months, it was sort of like a feral child being reintroduced into civilization. They were distant concepts to me, but I was more or less able to recall the etiquette, politeness and small-talk that I had learned in a previous life. Still I managed to step in someone's putting line a couple times.

Dark Thoughts VI: Master of Layers

Previously on Legitimategolf.com, I issued myself a challenge: in these waning moments of the calendar year, try and beat my best score of '13. And now the first attempt is in the books--a 92, 22-over par from the black tees at Silver Lake. I know. Scorewise it is an abject failure. I blew up the round early with an 11 on one hole. Besides that it was a complete success though I suppose.

2013 Season End Watch, part 3

It's probably time to call off this whole season end watch. I went snowboarding in the local NJ mountains this past week; I was riding the chairlift and when I turned around to look back down at the green earth I saw the Great Gorge Country Club sitting just beyond the base of the ski area, all verdant and ready to go. It occurred to me that this winter golf season is going to roll right on into 2014. Not ruling out any future calamities of course but for the foreseeable, cold temperatures are our only adversaries around here.

Dark Thoughts, vol. 5: IT LIVES

Yes, the 2013 New York City golf season lives on. Yes, my worst-case scenarios, various doomsday prep plans and 'Season End Watch' broodings were all way off-base, so what. Cut me some slack Jack.

Early in the week our high temperatures peaked in the low 30s; wind made it feel like low 20s. Our earth was encased in an ugly semi-permafrost consisting of layers of snow, frozen rain, sleet and wet rain that had all melted together and re-frozen over a couple times. It was starting to take on a glassy appearance. Things were looking bleak. Honestly I had even begun to move on mentally. With no golf balls to hit, I tried hitting the gym harder. With no low scores to shoot for, I took to the pavement instead and actually worked on lowering my 3.5-mile times.

Then the weekend came and the whole world changed. Temps in the upper 60s made quick work of all the snowcover and suddenly it was time again to scramble for the good tee-times and grumble about slow play.

Ghetto Golf, volume X: Alley Pond Golf Center, Douglaston, Queens

Queens, New York is possibly the most wildly multi-ethnic region on the planet. You name it, they got it. An especially big and thriving enclave is its Koreatown, and not surprisingly there's a place within the community dedicated to serving the golfer in need, a funky intersection of Korean-American culture and golf obsession.

2013 Season End Watch, continued

This was the view outside my window yesterday. I use the big lawn down there to sort of extrapolate the condition of the local golf courses--only once that lawn has cleared can I even think about playing again.

These are the excruciating, uncertain and ultimately soul-gnawing days of our golf lives. Wintry weather has precluded all actual golf activity here for the last week or so. The golf club is getting swung plenty--indoors, at a manic, obsessive-compulsive rate perhaps, but alas the sensation of club-to-ball contact is little more than a memory at this point.

Dark Thoughts: vol. 4: 2013 Season End Watch

We got some snow this week, and now it's being followed up by freezing temperatures for the forecastable future. Which means we are now at the point where every round, just might be the final round of the 2013 season. Now I try not to assign too much significance to the passing of Gregorian calendar-based intervals; the more salient point here is that each round played in these precarious times, just might be the last round for a really f'n long time.

I don't really feel that in my gut that it's the end, nor are there any major storm events on the horizon, but you just never know. Back at the end of '10, hard winter came early; the golf season was slammed shut right after Thanksgiving and wasn't revived until March. Really dark times.

Ghetto Golf vol 9: Kissena Park GC, Flushing, Queens

The clubhouse--very much the standard-issue NYC parks institutional style.

We're well into December and yet, the Legitimategolf NYC Golf Tour rolls on. Believe it!

Q: What do you think of Flushing, Queens?

A: I think it's a great idea.

[From a joke book I read when I was nine.]

Kissena Park is way out east in deep Queens, just past the much more well-known Flushing Meadows Park, which is known to most people as the home of the tennis US Open, the New York Mets and the 1964 World's Fair. If you're anything like me you're probably wondering what the hell is a "kissena"?

Legitimategolf Diaries, vol. 8 Tale of two nines

61° F in December and another insane deal for an AM tee-time at Silver Lake--you can't pass up an opportunity like that. You just can't.

Ghetto Golf, vol. 8: Pelham Bay GC, Bronx

Located way, way up in the northeast Bronx, Pelham Bay is perhaps the most remote, far-flung course within the New York City golf matrix.

Dark Thoughts vol. 3: Scenes from a botched weekender

It was seasonably cold over the weekend. The plan was to arrive two and half hours before sunset, and hopefully blast my way through a super-fast, super-twilight 18. On a day like this, who could be teeing off at that time?

I badly miscalculated the situation though and ended up making a mess of the whole mission.

Insane Tee-Time Deals From Around The World

The theme of this week is bargains.

I'm sort of a latecomer to the world of online tee times--for most of my golf life, I'd just buy the yearly "early twilight" discount card offered by our local courses; that was pretty much the extent of my tee-time bargain-hunting.

But as of this year that discount card no longer exists. Who could really miss it though? As I found out before long, there is a whole wide world of even better deals to be had on the internet.

Equipment Shocker: Adam Scott playing old irons

On Sunday, Adam Scott won the Australian Masters for a second win in two weeks. What caught my attention is that in carving out these two wins, he used a pretty old set of irons--the Titleist 680 model from circa 2003. A longtime Titleist guy, he was known to have played the clubs as far back as 2006, likely even earlier.


This is interesting news from a pure golf perspective, which might help explain why such a story would be completely passed over by the so-called golf press. Why bother with trivial fluff such as how an elite player is playing the best golf of a celebrated career using some old bargain bin specials. There are lists to be made, ranking the most beautiful women marginally involved with golf and so on.

And probably they generally don't want to report stories like this because manufacturers don't want them to. OEM's after all are all about getting people to look ahead to the latest models, not backwards at the old ones.

When they were released, the 680 irons represented the brand's most old-school muscleback design at the time. They are traditionally spec'd, compact, thin-topline blades with minimal offset, similar to the fabled Titleist 681s which were used to capture the "Tiger Slam" of 2000-2001, which adds an interesting wrinkle to the theory that Adam Scott is basically trying to reincarnate Tiger Woods 2.0: same swing, same coach, same caddy, and now, same kind of Titleist irons.

It's not exactly a radical change for Adam Scott when he looks down at the ball. He's been playing some sort of Titleist muscleback iron probably since way before anyone knew who Adam Scott was. But it is interesting that right now, playing the best golf of his life, for whatever odd reason he just felt like saying F IT--these old-ass clubs happen to feel real good at the moment, so I'm gonna stick with them, and I'm Adam Scott dammit.

Whatever the case, good for Adam Scott--this retrograde club change is probably an indication that he has now attained "do whatever I want" status. Now Adam Scott calls the shots. Adam Scott tells Titleist what goes in his golf bag, not the other way around. Good to see an elite player no longer bound to the exhausting, repeating cycle of product placement and promotion and any time a golfer of any level can free himself from the golf-industrial complex, hey--why not?

Eight years in the golf gear universe is a really long time. Consider how much club designs have evolved and transmogrified since then--drivers and woods in particular. Eight years ago the idea of making all driver and fairway wood heads bright white would be filed under crazy talk. "Rocketballz" wasn't even a glimmer in a TaylorMade marketing exec's eye. The whole square driver fad had not even come and gone yet.

But Adam Scott's 680's remind us that iron technology seems to be moving at a slow pace, if moving at all. And that is something we should all embrace. The design of many everyday objects, the basic claw hammer for example, seems to have been more or less perfected in our lifetime. If golf irons are also about as good as they will ever be, then great--one less thing to worry about.

I've been a supporter of the traditional muscleback iron since I started playing them a few years ago. Okay, so the long irons might not be for everyone, and my own'll probably be replaced with cavity-backs eventually, but I really believe that most people who take this thing seriously would probably benefit overall from playing blades in their middle and short irons at least.

Which is not to categorically poo-poo modern clubs; playing miniscule, pre-war era, no-offset blade irons is not good for anyone's game. (We've all encountered the weirdo out there who insists on shanking it around using irons that are older than he is.) There is probably a point after which being too traditional becomes self-defeating. With the exception of maybe putters, you are probably not going to help your game using any equipment that pre-dates the computer.

But still, that leaves us with an immense wealth of great, older golf clubs that, like Adam Scott's 680s, perhaps still merit some attention and maybe even outperform their newer, shrink-wrapped counterparts. And what's even better, a lot of these old clubs come with free shipping.

A Guide to... Winter Golf, Part 1: Layering

If you are a golfer who happens to live in a semi-temperate climate, where courses stay open through winter, and your temperatures hover around the freezing point of water, you should consider yourself lucky once November rolls around.

Apologies to those of you in year-round temperate zones, you Californians and Floridians and the like, but in golf terms you are not as lucky as you think. With no offseason, you get no break from the epidemic of slow play or the mind-numbing douchebaggery of the super-casual set. In a lot of warm places the "offseason" is arguably among the worst times to play golf, with "Canadians" and other weirdos migrating in from the upper latitudes, clogging up courses and inflating greens fees.

Also let's face it, living in a winter-less climate dulls the senses. One of the great joys of life on Earth is experiencing that first flush of spring after a long dark winter, getting back on the course and feeling in one's bones the redemptive power of the sun awakening you and every other living organism around. Another of life's unlikely pleasures is that of coming back inside to a hot beverage, after a few hours of chasing pars in the cold. It is these such contrasts that remind you that you are alive, right?

Dark Thoughts, volume 2: Freeze Warning

Winter doesn't officially start for another five weeks, but we got a preview of it today. Early in the AM hours there was even some light snow, which tapered off into light rain, which dried up before noon.

I was pretty sure the course would be open for the afternoon, but before leaving home I called ahead, just in case. I asked if anybody was out there. Three people, the guy said. All day? All day. I said that I would see him soon.

After a quick express bus ride, I got there just before two o'clock. A few people were teeing off on #1, so I got to start over on the back nine, which was totally deserted. The first swing of the afternoon felt good. A little constricted, but solid. The second felt good, and the third and fourth did too.

I won't lie, it was brutally cold out there. You're-crazy-for-playing-type weather. I had to jog the first couple of holes to get warm. The gusts were enough to stop you in your tracks--bitter, wincing blasts. Near the third green a sudden and rude gust knocked my bag over while I was trying to chip; I let out a primal yell. No one heard it though, I was the only human on that whole back nine.

You don't have to worry about me though, I was fully prepped for the cold. I had all my layering systems operating and was plenty warm. But there were times when even though I felt okay inside my layers, the cold and the wind just made the playing of golf really hard. Well-struck balls got swatted out of the air by gusts, or else shot through greens on tailwinds. I three-putted the fourth hole trying to putt into a stiff headwind that blinded my eyes with tears.

My swing felt good though, and balls were being struck solid, and this gave me the spirit to keep grinding. I hit the first green in regulation, then the second, then just missed the third. The slight bit of bulk from winter clothes actually helped me to swing by making it easier to restrict the backswing, which is something I'm always trying to do.

Here's the 18th hole at Dyker Beach, my ninth hole of the day. From this spot, I chipped in for birdie.

It's a tough chip, about 20 yards, downhill then uphill with a couple feet of left-to-right, so I was really psyched about it. Still am, a little. A perfect shot just about.

Amazing. Somehow the fairways here are still a deep shade of green, and more lush and grassy than I've seen all year. Greens are nice too. The only real downside right now are the billions of leaves covering the ground.

From tee-off, I only had two hours and forty minutes until sunset. But because I didn't wait on a single shot I was able to finish in a ridiculous 2:14. Afterwards I just caught the express bus back home, and made it through the front door just a hair over four hours from when I left it, which has to be a record.

I shot an 84. Looking back I lost several strokes on the greens, but besides the score it was one of my best all-around efforts of the year. No penalties, no lost balls, no winter rules shenanigans. I was so into it, and the game felt unforced, more free flowing than it has in a long time. I did a good job of wrangling the ball around in some difficult conditions--it would've been easy to lose some today. The joy of playing on an empty course, that's still flush with greenery, I can't say enough about it. It's so great that after a little while, the cold doesn't even really matter.

As of now I might be more excited about my next round than I have been all year.

Legitimategolf Diaries: Autumn special

In the last post, I pretty much welcomed in the winter golf season. Early in the week, the temps sunk to around 40 degrees (F) so eagerly I took to Dyker Beach GC hoping to get in a fast one.

To my satisfaction the temperatures kept most people off the course, but when I got there I was surprised to see a still-very lush environment, still in the flush of fall--guess I was a little premature with that last post. So, I thought I'd put up some photos for those who might enjoy a bit of fall foliage.

Dark Thoughts, volume 1

For most of us, the golf season is winding down. The auspices, mounting for weeks, can no longer be ignored, even by the most optimistic among us.

Ghetto Golf, vol. 7: Silver Lake GC, Staten Island

Bye, home. See you in a few.

I've been in New York City for over a decade; I've been a NYC golfer since 2005. Yet in all that time, like a lot of Manhattanites, I've never set foot on the island known as Staten; never had a reason to. (After a while this becomes a weird, snobbish point of pride--never been there, never will!) Despite what the NYC transit map inaccurately depicts, it's not that close to Manhattan, and then there's that forbidding $13 toll charge if you want to cross the Verrazano Bridge by car.

But last week after the Brooklyn Open had finished, I was waiting at the bus stop in front of Marine Park when a tournament volunteer saw my clubs and struck up a conversation. He asked if I had ever played in Staten Island, and sang the praises of one of the courses there, Silver Lake. What's more, he claimed, getting there by ferry from either Brooklyn or Manhattan was quick and easy, even more so than the trip to Marine Park which, let's face it, is closer to the Atlantic Ocean than to actual New York City proper. Even for a lot of Brooklynites on the opposite edge of town, the trip to MPGC is forbiddingly long.

Legitimategolf talks to... Ric Parnell

The classic Tap lineup, from left: Nigel Tufnel, Derek Smalls, David St. Hubbins, Mick Shrimpton (aka Ric Parnell), Viv Savage

One of the few things I dig more than this dumb sport is classic rock and roll music, and like most fans of the rock I love the 1981 motion picture This Is Spinal Tap. It's one of my all-time favorites.

A few weeks ago I caught an airing on the BBC America channel and enjoyed it thoroughly as always. Watching it this time around I noticed the great work of the two supporting band members--Viv Savage (keyboards) and Mick Shrimpton (drums), and how much they add to the gritty authenticity of the whole Spinal Tap milieu. That's the great thing about this movie--is it a joke, or is it real? Maybe it's both, or maybe it's neither.

Brooklyn Open Recap

I got to the course about an hour before tee time. It was still kind of cold out, but the makings of a really nice, clear blue sky fall day. There were a few guys on the range, and the practice greens were packed. A news crew was on hand to cover the opening of the tournament.

Brooklyn Open: results

Brooklyn borough prez Marty Markowitz about to award the trophy. Spoiler: it wasn't to me.

Well, the inaugural Brooklyn Open is now in the books.

Brooklyn Open: Final Update

Hole locations have been released. None seem out of the ordinary. I'm not going to pay too much attention to the precise spots anyways, since I'll be looking at the middles of greens for the most part. I've been using Marine Park's GPS app the last couple times out, and I'll probably do the same tomorrow, thanks to a local tournament rule that permits the use of phones for rangefinding.

I considered real-time reporting my scores on the internet for anyone interested in following along but a) that would technically violate the "no communication by phone" rule and 2) it's another distraction I could do without. One app open is enough. Besides, in a tournament don't I have to keep everyone else's score too? Like Daniel Larusso, I'm just going to have to learn a bunch of this tournament stuff on the fly.

Golf bag is just about ready to go, as per normal. I'll probably pack a few more Pro-V1s than usual. Also part of my strategy for the day is to pack a lot of food (trail mix, jerkies, pb&j) and always be eating in order to maintain high energy levels. I think I have a fast metabolism, especially when I have to think hard, so I think this is key.

There will be a weird game time decision for me as I've found out that riding carts are included, though walking is still permitted. Most likely, I will walk and carry, as I always do on this course. Also in this circumstance I would expect sharing a cart with a stranger to be a huge distraction. Walking this full course is kind of a toil but I think I'll be fit enough to handle it.

I will probably post later that afternoon with the results and what not. Thanks to everyone for the advice and support and everything. Until then in the words of AC/DC... to those about to tee off, we salute you.

Brooklyn Open: Practice Round, more previews, tee times etc.

Played my very first official tournament practice round for the Brooklyn Open. "Official" because as a registered participant, I got a discount on the green fee. Other than that it was a usual day on the course--the other three guys I was grouped with had no idea about any upcoming tournament.

Brooklyn Open Updates

Some more details about next Monday's inaugural Brooklyn Open are emerging.

The field is set and here's the number of players in each division.

Professional Division: 23 players
Division 1 (0.0-8.9): 36 players
Division 2 (9.0-13.9): 21 players
Division 3 (14.0-18.9): 13 players
Division 4 (19+): 7 players

I'll be in Div 2, though I'm a bit sad now to see that I missed out on the division with the most action. Battling against 20 other guys, that's still a lot though. A little surprised at how few high handicappers turned up; then again, this is a pretty tough golf course.

Swing Thoughts: one week to go

En route to Randall's Island, where I served detention this weekend.

The entry deadline has passed, the field looks to be set and there's just one week to go until the first-ever Brooklyn Open. I just now read over some of the official tournament documentation and frankly I'm feeling a little freaked out right now.

The first tee time is supposedly at 7:30am.

Creep of the Week

COTW

Last Sunday, the final round of a new LPGA-sanctioned tournament took place somewhere in deep China. It's notable because it featured: the hometown favorite overcoming a one-shot deficit by making eagle on the 72nd hole to win outright; a mishit shot that got not one but two stunningly good bounces to wind up a few feet from the hole; an epic display of grousing and sore losing by the runner-up, and the subsequent obliteration of her twitter account.

(Not the most timely post admittedly; then again this event was so far away, and so severely tape-delayed, this all could've happened last month for all you care.)

Swing Thoughts: The Overswing

Blustery day on the Hudson River; you can see some whitecaps in the distance.

Ok, so I've been ramping up the practice in prep for the upcoming Brooklyn Open. I went to Chelsea Piers for a short session. Really short--as in not even thirty balls. (There's lots of reasons to hate this place, but one really nice thing about its self-serve ball dispenser system is that you can buy exactly as many balls as you want.)

Like millions of people I struggle with the overswing. It's something I have been working at for almost as long as I have been playing.

Within the psyche of most amateur golfers there is an eternal struggle, between the rational mind which knows that a short, controlled swing produces the optimal combination of precision and force, and the reptilian mind which wants nothing else than to lurch back and deliver a unmerciful, pulverizing death blow to its prey.

Indian Summer + the Anti-Creeps of the Week

Verrazano Bridge overlooking #13 and #14 fairways.

It's hot over here this week. I snuck out for some late afternoon golf and it felt like summer all over again.

Great.

Ghetto Golf vol. 6: Rockaway Beach, Queens

"It's not far, not hard to reach/We can hitch a ride to Rockaway Beach"
-The Ramones, "Rockaway Beach"

It's been often said (by me) that New York City is an absolute wasteland for golfers. That's true in a relative sense--compared with most other major metropoles, golf here is too expensive, too crowded and too often characterized by general anarchy. Which is especially disheartening in a city that's constantly claiming to be the greatest.

But it wouldn't be quite fair of me to call it total desolation. The truth is there's a surprising number of golf-purposed facilities in the area, even beyond the known courses.

UPDATE: Brooklyn Open

A while back I mentioned the first-ever Brooklyn Open golf tournament, to be held on October 21st. Originally it was to be a gross-score competition open only to 10 handicaps and lower.

Now, as Legitimategolfer John Furr has brought to my attention, some notable changes have been made to the tournament.

Legitimategolf Diaries volume 6: birthday spanking

Last week I celebrated a birthday. As we did the year before Ms. Legitgolf and I drove about an hour and a half outside the city to play at a fancy course. Last year we had a memorable round at the Jack Nicklaus-designed Mansion Ridge in upstate NY. This year I picked out Crystal Springs, a resort course located up in northernmost New Jersey in the Appalachian Mountains, part of a massive seven-course complex.

A Guide to Losing Balls or how I learned to stop worrying and love the provisional

The ninth hole of my local course is bounded all along the left side by a chainlink fence that separates the course from the adjacent avenue and sidewalk. The overwhelming majority of people here miss their shots to the right, but still, it doesn't take that bad of a leftward shot to clear the short fence. When it does happen, it is painfully obvious that your ball's not only out of play--it's clean off the property. It's completely abandoned the domain of anything golf-related. In other words it is, beyond all doubt, out of bounds.

The 1st Brooklyn Open

A few months ago I heard a rumor that this event might be happening sometime in the fall and now, it's been announced. The first ever Brooklyn Open will be held on Monday, October 21st at Marine Park GC. It's an 18-hole medal play competition open to professionals and am's with a 10.0 or lower handicap. The official website has more details.

This is great news for the area in general. I'm not sure if an event like this ever existed. Marine Park is definitely a fitting course. I'm curious to see what the turnout's like. If I can shave a stroke and some change off my current handicap before the October 14th deadline for entry I'd be eligible, in which case I'd consider entering.

Anyone else interested?

Ghetto Golf, volume 5: Van Cortlandt Park GC, The Bronx

This week, the LGNYCGT (Legitimategolf New York City Golf Tour) rolled into the oldest freakin' public course in North America, Van Cortlandt Park GC in northwest Bronx. Let's think about that. All the slow play, rules-flouting, all the terrible hacky muni golf we've all come to know and love... it all began here. Wow--humbling.

Creeps of the Week

The first two Legitimate Golf Creep of the Week awards recognized some high-profile douchebaggery. But this week, we train the spotlight on the ordinary folks, the unsung jerks who make golf so miserable at the local level, in our own day-to-day lives.

As part of the LGNYCGT ("Legitimate Golf New York City Golf Tour"), I found myself in the Bronx the other day. A full-write up of the excursion is coming soon but for now I wanted to quickly vent about some of the foul people I had the misfortune of crossing paths with. Originally I thought of just posting this away on some safe, obscure little corner of the internet.

But screw that--I have been working hard to build up this bully pulpit and dammit, why shouldn't I use it to lash out at the people who make me (and all other reasonable people) mad?

A Guide to Putting Out

No, this is not a dating advice column. We're talking about how to proceed once your golf ball's within a few feet from the hole.

Recently I was paired at the local muni with a newbie, who's just a couple years into it. But a pretty decent player given that much experience. After one bad hole though, his ball lying seven or whatever it was, on the green ten feet from the hole he said "That's enough" and went to it pick up. Seeing that the people in front of us had only just teed off I said that he might as well putt out--we'll be waiting on the next tee anyways, no need to rush. He gave it a go, but seemed sort of uneasy about it. It occurred to me then that this topic warrants a discussion.

Creep of the Week

[photo courtesy of Brandel Chamblee Hater Page on Facebook]

Brandel Chamblee is the mouthpiece of the Golf Channel. His prominent position is a testament to the belief that negativity sells. Like an O'Reilly or a Limbaugh, Brandel's job is simply to enflame, to irritate, to provoke via harshly critical opinions--often unfounded--delivered with a near-religious fervor and dogmatism.

Summer In Review

Summer officially ended and quite frankly, good. Those who know, know that fall's a better season for playing better golf anyways. Around here at least. The sweat-soaked clothes, the ruined gloves, the constant rehydrating, the slathering of greasy sunblock. And the heat for god's sake, the plain old wilting heat... See you next year, is what I say to all that. Don't get me wrong--the summer solstice is a magical time. I still say that being outside playing golf well past eight o'clock is one of life's special joys.

Ghetto Golf, vol. 4: Forest Park, Queens

It's time to get back out there and explore the wild world of NYC golf. Once again I am your guide. I'm starting to feel like Huell Houser. I need my own PBS show soon.

Legit Golf Diaries, volume 5: Bargain hunters

Here's a tasty bit of spam that I found in my inbox last week. Ok maybe spam's a little harsh. Primetime tee times, twilight prices, practically all day. Can't pass that up. You just can't. As I've made known, it continues to be a rough year for me handicap wise, and I can't say that I've played a good round yet. Can't even beat my own bloated 11.8 index. So the email's a clear sign--the time is now.

Legitimate Golf Dictionary, part 1

thin to win
expression
the philosophical belief that shots struck low on the face are the most desirable of all mishits and still capable of producing decent golf

Three Putt Ci•ty
noun
any portion of a putting green from which the likelihood of requiring three putts to hole out is greater than 50%

mashed po•ta•to
exclamation
extended metaphor used by American golf spectators to express delight at a particularly well-struck (i.e. mashed) golf ball (i.e. potato)
[ORIGIN USPGA Tour, circa 2010]

West•wood
Westwood, Lee (b. 1973) English golfer, avid collector of rare and exotic tournament trophies (see Volvo Scandavian Masters, Sumitomo VISA Taiheiyo Masters, Macau Open, Dimension Data Pro-Am, Nelson Mandela Invitational), and sponsor logos (see Ping, United Parcel Service, Dunlop International, Audemars Piaget, Druh Belts and Buckles, Bollé, Close House Hotel)