DARKNESS

Here in the civilized world, the darkness of winter doesn't just creep up on you. No, in this age of "Daylight Slaving" and other so-called modern advances, winter creeps up for maybe the first couple weeks of October and then BAM! It leaps up suddenly, unsheathes razor claws and mauls you from behind.

Dark Thoughts 2014: The End

A random sampling of turf near in New York City. Since the local courses aren't answering the phone when I call, this is the only indicator I have of what it must be like out on the fairway.

Now that Daylight Savings days are here, it's probably high time to put away those dark thoughts of Winter 2014.

It doesn't matter that there's still snow on the ground--DST means that spring is nearly here. Right? Which means that at some point the earth will actually thaw out completely and miracles of miracles, we can resume playing golf like it's no thing. It doesn't matter how stubborn this lingering winter is--sooner or later the warmer weather will happen, it has to. There simply is no historical precedent for it not to. In the meantime the extra daylight will be nice--I guess. It makes it a little harder to wallow in gloom and that's probably good.

Legitimategolf In The Matrix

Launch monitor technology is everywhere in the golf universe these days. It's employed in telecasts to make the action seem more interesting. It's used as a teaching tool. And when calibrated properly a launch monitor is an invaluable sales tool for the retail industry.

I have mixed feelings. I mean, I suppose technology was instrumental in the discovery of the "new ballflight laws" which I'd consider somewhat relevant to living a good golf-life. But then again when you have rank amateurs freely tossing around terms like smash factor or angle of descent everyone loses, in my opinion. I mean it's natural to be wowed by all the hard data that comes out of these devices, but doesn't it seem that, on balance, worrying over such information creates more issues for golfers than it solves? (Granted I am a sucker for any conspiracy theory that involves the man trying to distract us from the real issues.)

Dark Thoughts: Snow Day

What I've come to realize in the last few days is that this current winter is the worst winter I've ever experienced. Funny that I'm just now figuring it out. Then again this one didn't really come out and announce itself as the winter to end all winters. It just kept piling on slow and steady, and now it's all this.

A tribute to Not Bill Earle's Ball

The ball, it's been said, is possibly the single most important piece of equipment in golf. The only one, in fact, that's involved in every single goddamn play that's made on the course. Metaphysically speaking the ball is, in a sense, our surrogate, our representative, our emissary to the sky. Wherever the ball goes, so does a little piece of our soul along with it. At its full flight best, a golfball is up there with Kitty Hawk, the Wright Brothers, Goddard's rockets, the Saturn V, etc and so on. Man's eternal quest to kiss the sky, soar like a bird, say "up yours" to gravity, and "eat my wake" to the earth, if only for a brief moment.

Dark Thoughts, vol X: Cold comfort

In normal circumstances the practice range is somewhere I go only when I feel it's truly necessary, like if I'm trying to make some sort of revolutionary swing change, have to re-learn to hit a ball and need the repetition. Not a fun, recreation activity. Some people might enjoy it; to me the driving range has about as much to do with actual golf as a drive-thru carwash does to actual driving.

Dark Thoughts: 2014 Winter Support Group

[photo by mike_cala]

This snowstorm is a good occasion on which to open up a support group for everyone dealing with the complications of winter. Me, I'm fresh off playing some golf so I'm not actually feeling it just yet, but I will soon enough. Once it sets in, it'll be pretty bad I'm sure.

Dark Thoughts VIII: Full Swing

We've been so lucky with the weather lately. Praise the golf gods. I used to joke around about the winter being my peak season. Well by now I don't think it qualifies as a joke anymore. No, it's reality. The numbers bear it out--I'm playing more lately than at any time last year, and as of the last few rounds actually seeing some positive trend in my scores. Train keeps on rolling; why the hell not.

Dark Thoughts vol. 7: Raising the dead

A couple days of warm and rain at the start of the week here turned out to be a gigantic boon--it cleaned up most of the snow cover, which had gone all dirty and granulated and hard. More cold temps followed, but a brief window of opportunity opened up late in the week. Now most people probably wouldn't consider 30° F an "opportunity" but hey it's your old pal Legitgolf. Master of layers.

See, golf's great because it's a winter sport and it doesn't even know it (apologies to the late Mitch Hedberg). Seriously, you tell people around the water-cooler that you just got back from skiing in sub-zero temperatures and that makes you some kind of a cool guy. But talk about playing golf anywhere near the freezing point of water and you'll be considered some kind of lunatic. Where's the logic in that? I don't see it.

2014 Winter Season Status Report

[photo courtesy of NASA/NOAA]

Some of you have expressed concern for all of us up here in the Northeast in the aftermath of the latest snowstorm. Judging by the satellite photo, the situation looks very bad.

And judging by this sporting fellow I came across out by the East River, you might assume that we've now descended into desperate times. I remain unmoved however. I got a good fill of ghetto golf (and attendant douchebaggery) in the last days of 2013, and that's probably what's been keeping me going. Withdrawal will set in soon of course but no reason to worry just yet--there's a sliver of hope on the horizon.

This storm might've covered a big area, but things aren't as bad as they seem--the mess it left behind wasn't so bad as to squash all hope of playing golf in the near future. Temperatures, which had dive-bombed into the negative digits a few days ago, are about to swing wildly into the upper 40s. As I write this, I can look out the window and laugh cruelly as the drizzling rain eats away at the snow cover. Rain--our unlikely ally in these frozen, perilous times.

Hopefully the rain will macht schnell and clean this place up. Time is of the essence since on Tuesday we'll be hit with some more, potentially problematic arctic cold. But looking over the extendo forecast, there might appear a window of opportunity sometime around next weekend. Stay tuned!

2013 Season End Report: Assholes' Last Stand

Well, that looks to be it for 2013 golf. I got in one last hurrah at Dyker Beach, a beleaguered, bitterly cold round in which forces of evil and ignorance repeatedly tried to come at me and derail my fun. A round beset with lunatics, rude foreigners and slow players.

2013 Season End Watch part IV: counting down the seconds

I managed to get in another 18 this weekend, this time at Dyker Beach. The weather was borderline nice, which made me waffle over the matter about a hundred times before finally giving in.

Since there was (naturally) a lot of people at the course,  I was placed in a foursome which was a little weird for me. Because I'd played most of my golf alone for the last couple of months, it was sort of like a feral child being reintroduced into civilization. They were distant concepts to me, but I was more or less able to recall the etiquette, politeness and small-talk that I had learned in a previous life. Still I managed to step in someone's putting line a couple times.

Dark Thoughts VI: Master of Layers

Previously on Legitimategolf.com, I issued myself a challenge: in these waning moments of the calendar year, try and beat my best score of '13. And now the first attempt is in the books--a 92, 22-over par from the black tees at Silver Lake. I know. Scorewise it is an abject failure. I blew up the round early with an 11 on one hole. Besides that it was a complete success though I suppose.

2013 Season End Watch, part 3

It's probably time to call off this whole season end watch. I went snowboarding in the local NJ mountains this past week; I was riding the chairlift and when I turned around to look back down at the green earth I saw the Great Gorge Country Club sitting just beyond the base of the ski area, all verdant and ready to go. It occurred to me that this winter golf season is going to roll right on into 2014. Not ruling out any future calamities of course but for the foreseeable, cold temperatures are our only adversaries around here.

Dark Thoughts, vol. 5: IT LIVES

Yes, the 2013 New York City golf season lives on. Yes, my worst-case scenarios, various doomsday prep plans and 'Season End Watch' broodings were all way off-base, so what. Cut me some slack Jack.

Early in the week our high temperatures peaked in the low 30s; wind made it feel like low 20s. Our earth was encased in an ugly semi-permafrost consisting of layers of snow, frozen rain, sleet and wet rain that had all melted together and re-frozen over a couple times. It was starting to take on a glassy appearance. Things were looking bleak. Honestly I had even begun to move on mentally. With no golf balls to hit, I tried hitting the gym harder. With no low scores to shoot for, I took to the pavement instead and actually worked on lowering my 3.5-mile times.

Then the weekend came and the whole world changed. Temps in the upper 60s made quick work of all the snowcover and suddenly it was time again to scramble for the good tee-times and grumble about slow play.

2013 Season End Watch, continued

This was the view outside my window yesterday. I use the big lawn down there to sort of extrapolate the condition of the local golf courses--only once that lawn has cleared can I even think about playing again.

These are the excruciating, uncertain and ultimately soul-gnawing days of our golf lives. Wintry weather has precluded all actual golf activity here for the last week or so. The golf club is getting swung plenty--indoors, at a manic, obsessive-compulsive rate perhaps, but alas the sensation of club-to-ball contact is little more than a memory at this point.

Dark Thoughts: vol. 4: 2013 Season End Watch

We got some snow this week, and now it's being followed up by freezing temperatures for the forecastable future. Which means we are now at the point where every round, just might be the final round of the 2013 season. Now I try not to assign too much significance to the passing of Gregorian calendar-based intervals; the more salient point here is that each round played in these precarious times, just might be the last round for a really f'n long time.

I don't really feel that in my gut that it's the end, nor are there any major storm events on the horizon, but you just never know. Back at the end of '10, hard winter came early; the golf season was slammed shut right after Thanksgiving and wasn't revived until March. Really dark times.

Dark Thoughts, volume 2: Freeze Warning

Winter doesn't officially start for another five weeks, but we got a preview of it today. Early in the AM hours there was even some light snow, which tapered off into light rain, which dried up before noon.

I was pretty sure the course would be open for the afternoon, but before leaving home I called ahead, just in case. I asked if anybody was out there. Three people, the guy said. All day? All day. I said that I would see him soon.

After a quick express bus ride, I got there just before two o'clock. A few people were teeing off on #1, so I got to start over on the back nine, which was totally deserted. The first swing of the afternoon felt good. A little constricted, but solid. The second felt good, and the third and fourth did too.

I won't lie, it was brutally cold out there. You're-crazy-for-playing-type weather. I had to jog the first couple of holes to get warm. The gusts were enough to stop you in your tracks--bitter, wincing blasts. Near the third green a sudden and rude gust knocked my bag over while I was trying to chip; I let out a primal yell. No one heard it though, I was the only human on that whole back nine.

You don't have to worry about me though, I was fully prepped for the cold. I had all my layering systems operating and was plenty warm. But there were times when even though I felt okay inside my layers, the cold and the wind just made the playing of golf really hard. Well-struck balls got swatted out of the air by gusts, or else shot through greens on tailwinds. I three-putted the fourth hole trying to putt into a stiff headwind that blinded my eyes with tears.

My swing felt good though, and balls were being struck solid, and this gave me the spirit to keep grinding. I hit the first green in regulation, then the second, then just missed the third. The slight bit of bulk from winter clothes actually helped me to swing by making it easier to restrict the backswing, which is something I'm always trying to do.

Here's the 18th hole at Dyker Beach, my ninth hole of the day. From this spot, I chipped in for birdie.

It's a tough chip, about 20 yards, downhill then uphill with a couple feet of left-to-right, so I was really psyched about it. Still am, a little. A perfect shot just about.

Amazing. Somehow the fairways here are still a deep shade of green, and more lush and grassy than I've seen all year. Greens are nice too. The only real downside right now are the billions of leaves covering the ground.

From tee-off, I only had two hours and forty minutes until sunset. But because I didn't wait on a single shot I was able to finish in a ridiculous 2:14. Afterwards I just caught the express bus back home, and made it through the front door just a hair over four hours from when I left it, which has to be a record.

I shot an 84. Looking back I lost several strokes on the greens, but besides the score it was one of my best all-around efforts of the year. No penalties, no lost balls, no winter rules shenanigans. I was so into it, and the game felt unforced, more free flowing than it has in a long time. I did a good job of wrangling the ball around in some difficult conditions--it would've been easy to lose some today. The joy of playing on an empty course, that's still flush with greenery, I can't say enough about it. It's so great that after a little while, the cold doesn't even really matter.

As of now I might be more excited about my next round than I have been all year.

Dark Thoughts, volume 1

For most of us, the golf season is winding down. The auspices, mounting for weeks, can no longer be ignored, even by the most optimistic among us.