Monday, November 4, 2013

Dark Thoughts, volume 1

For most of us, the golf season is winding down. The auspices, mounting for weeks, can no longer be ignored, even by the most optimistic among us.

For many of us (such as our friend Dr. T up in the Great White North) Nature decided the golf year was over a while ago.

For others, the System (i.e. GHIN and the like) has now stopped accepting scores. For better or worse, handicaps are packed away in ice until next year. Those who ended the year in a slump have a few months to stew over their bloated indices.

The world of pro golf, which has now been spread shamefully thin to cover the entire calendar year, has nothing of interest to offer, despite some recent pitiful attempts at rabble-rousing by Golf Channel's resident sleazeball.

And as of yesterday all who are trapped within the Daylight Savings matrix were slammed even further into darkness as sunset got artificially timewarped to a whole hour earlier. For the foreseeable future, there shall be no more golf past the five o'clock hour.

I suspected that golf-related internet activity has been down as of late; a quick consultation of Google Trends confirmed those suspicions.
So how do we cope. Most likely we are:

-shopping and buying new clubs on the internet
-tinkering with existing clubs
-staying up late watching golf tournaments in China
-chipping and putting balls around the house
-making several thousand swings with a Momentus™
-counting down to the Winter Solstice

However for us here at Legitimategolf, there is much to look forward to. This is not the end of anything (except maybe the end of the douchebag season on the public courses around here) but rather a beginning. Fortunately I have developed some pretty good survival skills as well as tolerance for the cold, so barring any upcoming weather-related catastrophes there's a lot of rounds to be played yet. In the days to come there's sure to be some insane tee-time bargains to be had, which should lead me on to yet more unexplored corners of the golf universe.

(We have winter here in the tri-state, but as long as there's no snow on the ground, we have golf and I consider us lucky for it. Looking over my old scores it warms the heart to see that golf was played in New York during every month of the last couple of years. The last time the golf season was knocked out cold was early 2011. The pessimist might say that we're now due to get dumped on, but then again, who can really call the weather these days? We're coming off the year anniversary of a once-in-seven-hundred-years scale weather disaster. Obviously in the coming months, weather is sure to be watched closely, and discussed often.)

We'll be discussing winter golf and how to play it. How to dress. How to cope. We'll review some nifty products that help make it all more bearable.

We'll take a look at how the people of yesterday and today cope with withdrawals. The methadone with which golfers attempt to sustain themselves when the real thing is in short supply if you will. We'll visit the history of golf video games. And this is the year we finally step inside the seedy backroom world of indoor golf simulation--something I've threatened to do for the last several winters but could never bring myself to.

We'll recap the lousy year in pro golf, sure to be accompanied by much finger-pointing, arbitrary character attacks, unnecessary name-calling and what have you.

In other words we are just getting started over here. When the feeble-minded, unprincipled hackers, the thrice-a-year yahoos, the mulligan-taking, cart-abusing herds start to abandon golf courses en masse, darkness be damned--it is cause for celebration.


  1. Yay! Been waiting all year for this. LG sprouts man fur and the brain icicles cause him to wax poetic. Now there's an entire blog about it. #Bringit

  2. Okay foul weather golf wannabe, I've played 3 times in November to your 0. I am thinking about breaking the ice on the front door tomorrow morning and getting out early for another 18; maybe wear shorts if it gets above 32 degrees.

    Grrrrrrr. I am a cold weather golf beast, not one of those microfiber-wearing fancy lads from the big city.

    [...hmmm, maybe I should have eaten dinner before starting in on that 6-pack ;) ]

  3. A lot of jive being bandied around. Calm down boys. All true golfers look for every opportunity to feed the addiction. My plan is 10 rounds a month for the next 4 months. Rates are going to get cheap and all the fair weather hacks will be gone.


  4. Nice photo. For me there will be no more afternoon golf with the short winter/savings time days, but I'm looking into ways to keep it going as much as possible. Looking forward to your winter writings on Dark Thoughts.


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